1 00:00:03,287 --> 00:00:06,085 2 00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:10,518 3 00:00:10,687 --> 00:00:14,680 but you don't ask questions 4 00:00:14,847 --> 00:00:18,157 5 00:00:18,327 --> 00:00:22,036 6 00:00:22,207 --> 00:00:25,882 of the seasons and the tides of the sea 7 00:00:26,047 --> 00:00:29,801 what's driving me berserk 8 00:00:29,967 --> 00:00:33,164 9 00:00:37,207 --> 00:00:43,203 (VICAR)... for thou hast vouchsafed to call us to the knowledge of thy grace and faith in thee. 10 00:00:43,367 --> 00:00:47,599 Increase this knowledge, and confirm this faith in us ever more. 11 00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:51,555 Give thy Holy Spirit to this infant that he may be born again 12 00:00:51,727 --> 00:00:54,844 and be made an heir of everlasting salvation. 13 00:00:55,007 --> 00:00:58,556 Through our Lord Jesus Christ, who liveth and reigneth 14 00:00:58,727 --> 00:01:04,120 with thee and the Holy Spirit now and for ever, amen. 15 00:01:05,087 --> 00:01:06,725 Godparents, please. 16 00:01:06,887 --> 00:01:09,447 - Remember what to say? - Yeah. 17 00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:13,646 (BABY CRIES) 18 00:01:28,647 --> 00:01:33,277 Be careful, Rodney. You drop him and I'll drop you! 19 00:01:33,447 --> 00:01:35,403 (RAQUEL) Del! 20 00:01:35,567 --> 00:01:39,037 He dropped a whole Royal Doulton dinner service once. 21 00:01:39,207 --> 00:01:42,961 - Nearly ruined it! - (RAQUEL) Shut up! 22 00:01:43,127 --> 00:01:46,039 (CASSANDRA) Look at his little face! 23 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,606 Mmm. 24 00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,166 (BABY YELLS) 25 00:01:49,327 --> 00:01:53,718 Dearly beloved, ye have brought this child to be baptised. 26 00:01:53,887 --> 00:01:59,007 Ye have prayed that our Lord Jesus Christ would vouchsafe to receive him... 27 00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:01,727 Going down the pub, Alan? 28 00:02:01,887 --> 00:02:04,082 Yeah, we'll be there. 29 00:02:05,127 --> 00:02:08,278 Going down the pub, are we? 30 00:02:08,447 --> 00:02:11,086 Got to be polite to Raquel and Del. 31 00:02:11,247 --> 00:02:13,363 Just to wet the baby's head. 32 00:02:13,527 --> 00:02:15,597 Roughly translated, that means, 33 00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:19,840 "I can't wait to get down the Nag's Head and get legless with Del!" 34 00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:24,478 Take your time, Pam. We've got to christen the baby first! 35 00:02:25,287 --> 00:02:27,005 Did you hear that?! 36 00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:32,525 Yes. You're always on about me getting drunk. When was the last time that happened? 37 00:02:32,687 --> 00:02:36,475 - The last time you went there with Del! - I didn't! 38 00:02:36,647 --> 00:02:39,639 ...and obediently keep his commandments. 39 00:02:39,807 --> 00:02:43,561 Dost thou renounce the devil and all his works? 40 00:02:49,527 --> 00:02:51,040 I renounce them all. 41 00:02:51,207 --> 00:02:57,396 Dost thou renounce the vain pomp and glory and the carnal desires of the flesh? 42 00:02:58,447 --> 00:03:00,438 Yes. 43 00:03:00,607 --> 00:03:02,643 - No! - We do! 44 00:03:02,807 --> 00:03:07,562 - "I renounce them all." - Yeah, me, too. 45 00:03:07,727 --> 00:03:10,321 It's lovely, innit? 46 00:03:10,487 --> 00:03:12,318 Stunning (!) 47 00:03:13,487 --> 00:03:15,318 Don't you feel anything? 48 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:21,083 Yes, I feel a great urgency to get out of here and finish my packing! 49 00:03:21,247 --> 00:03:24,159 You do realise we're going on holiday tomorrow? 50 00:03:24,327 --> 00:03:28,525 I've finished the packing! Stop moaning or I'll get annoyed. 51 00:03:30,367 --> 00:03:33,564 Do you remember Tyler's christening? 52 00:03:33,727 --> 00:03:36,958 Yeah. Better church than this, weren't it? 53 00:03:37,127 --> 00:03:40,563 Godparents, will you please name this child? 54 00:03:41,487 --> 00:03:44,160 Yes. It's Damien Derek Trotter. 55 00:03:45,327 --> 00:03:47,522 Damien Derek? 56 00:03:47,687 --> 00:03:50,076 Yes. 57 00:03:51,367 --> 00:03:52,880 Damien Derek! 58 00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:55,646 Fine. 59 00:04:05,087 --> 00:04:07,999 I baptise thee, Damien Derek, 60 00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:12,126 in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. 61 00:04:12,287 --> 00:04:16,280 We receive this child in the congregation of Christ's flock 62 00:04:16,447 --> 00:04:19,041 and do sign him with the sign of the cross. 63 00:04:19,207 --> 00:04:21,198 (MENACING CHORAL MUSIC) 64 00:04:22,687 --> 00:04:25,406 What is wrong with you, Rodney? 65 00:04:25,567 --> 00:04:27,558 Nothing! 66 00:04:33,807 --> 00:04:38,005 - Mind the paintwork! - Come on, Mickey! Get a move on! 67 00:04:38,167 --> 00:04:40,920 I'm just setting the automatic timer! 68 00:04:41,087 --> 00:04:43,476 He's no David Bailey. 69 00:04:43,647 --> 00:04:46,923 David Bailey! More like Bathe-it-Daily! 70 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:50,397 Ready? Everybody smile! 71 00:04:50,567 --> 00:04:54,765 - Smile, Trigger! - I AM smiling! 72 00:04:59,607 --> 00:05:02,883 Thank you, Reverend. That was a cracking display. 73 00:05:03,047 --> 00:05:05,561 It was a beautiful ceremony. Thank you. 74 00:05:05,727 --> 00:05:08,639 My pleasure. Perhaps I'll see you again soon? 75 00:05:08,807 --> 00:05:13,801 You mean the wedding? Don't hold your breath on it -she's still married! 76 00:05:13,967 --> 00:05:16,686 I'm waiting for my divorce to come through. 77 00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:19,236 Yeah, almost pukka! 78 00:05:19,407 --> 00:05:21,477 If you need me, I'll be here. 79 00:05:21,647 --> 00:05:24,798 - God bless you both. - Thank you, Reverend. 80 00:05:24,967 --> 00:05:29,916 I'll be in to see you in a minute. I've got something I want to talk to you about. 81 00:05:30,087 --> 00:05:32,647 - Of course. I'll be inside. - Good! 82 00:05:32,807 --> 00:05:36,038 - What do you want to see him about? - Just business. 83 00:05:36,207 --> 00:05:39,483 How can you discuss business here? This is a church! 84 00:05:39,647 --> 00:05:43,242 Come on, Raquel. Even churches have got to make profits. 85 00:05:43,407 --> 00:05:46,479 - Have you read your Bible recently? - Have you? 86 00:05:47,567 --> 00:05:52,277 No, but I remember our RE teacher reading it to us once, 87 00:05:52,447 --> 00:05:56,486 and there is a chapter in the Bible called the "Book of Profits", 88 00:05:56,647 --> 00:06:00,686 so don't tell me that God doesn't know a bit of bunce when he sees it! 89 00:06:00,847 --> 00:06:03,122 No, it doesn't mean "profit". 90 00:06:03,287 --> 00:06:07,200 A lovely christening, Raquel! One of the nicest I've been to! 91 00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,846 Thanks, Marlene! 92 00:06:09,007 --> 00:06:11,521 I've bought you a little present. 93 00:06:11,687 --> 00:06:15,680 It's a baby intercom so you can hear Damien if he cries at night. 94 00:06:15,847 --> 00:06:19,396 You can even talk to him so he hear's Mummy's voice. 95 00:06:19,567 --> 00:06:24,277 - You'll be able to fix it up, won't you, Del? - No problem. 96 00:06:24,447 --> 00:06:26,642 I'll get Rodney to do it tomorrow. 97 00:06:26,807 --> 00:06:30,959 Listen, I'll leave you two girls to have a chinwag. See you later. 98 00:06:31,127 --> 00:06:33,516 Del, I'll shoot off and open up the pub. 99 00:06:33,687 --> 00:06:37,646 About this do I'm putting on. I'm a bit concerned, mate. 100 00:06:37,807 --> 00:06:41,322 Don't be, Michael. I've got every faith in you! 101 00:06:41,487 --> 00:06:45,924 I'm concerned about the money! Could you at least give me a deposit? 102 00:06:46,087 --> 00:06:51,115 How dare you, Michael, talk business here, outside a church? 103 00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:54,962 This is a church! Gawd blimey! 104 00:06:58,767 --> 00:07:03,079 - (RAQUEL) You're off tomorrow? - We're going to the States! 105 00:07:03,247 --> 00:07:07,001 We fly to Washington, down to Atlantic City for a week, 106 00:07:07,167 --> 00:07:10,955 - then on to Florida! - You're making me jealous! 107 00:07:11,127 --> 00:07:15,962 It's not gonna be that good - Boycie's going with me! 108 00:07:19,087 --> 00:07:23,478 Poor little Rodney! Is he still living at your flat? 109 00:07:23,647 --> 00:07:28,118 He stays with us Monday to Friday and weekends with Cassandra. 110 00:07:28,287 --> 00:07:30,278 - Only weekends? - Yeah. 111 00:07:30,447 --> 00:07:34,486 Well, I suppose it's more fun than fishing! 112 00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:43,480 Rodney. 113 00:07:43,647 --> 00:07:45,558 Hi, Alan. 114 00:07:52,887 --> 00:07:57,199 So... how's the new job? 115 00:07:57,367 --> 00:08:00,677 - What new job? - Working for Del. 116 00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:05,841 Oh, that. Fine. We've gone international. Del's very big in eastern Europe. 117 00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:09,124 Yeah, he said he's got contacts in Warsaw. 118 00:08:09,287 --> 00:08:12,279 - No, Walsall. - Walsall? 119 00:08:12,447 --> 00:08:16,235 Yeah. But this bloke's cousin is an exporter in Romania. 120 00:08:16,407 --> 00:08:18,398 Romania? 121 00:08:18,567 --> 00:08:20,558 Good. 122 00:08:20,727 --> 00:08:23,878 How are you getting on with...? 123 00:08:26,247 --> 00:08:29,239 - Oh! - No, she's just going down the pub. 124 00:08:29,407 --> 00:08:33,400 I said I'd see her there later. You going down for one? 125 00:08:33,567 --> 00:08:37,879 - Yeah, just for a quick one. - Just a quick one (!) 126 00:08:38,047 --> 00:08:42,086 No, it will be just a quick one. I've had my orders! By the way, 127 00:08:42,247 --> 00:08:45,045 - I've got something for you. - What's that? 128 00:08:45,207 --> 00:08:49,086 Remember when you worked for me, you joined the pension scheme? 129 00:08:49,247 --> 00:08:51,363 They've come up with your repayments. 130 00:08:51,527 --> 00:08:56,920 I talked to the insurance company, and if you like, you can keep the policy open. 131 00:08:57,087 --> 00:08:59,999 It might be the basis of a nice little nest egg. 132 00:09:00,167 --> 00:09:04,080 That's really nice of you. I'll take you up on that offer! 133 00:09:04,247 --> 00:09:05,646 I knew you'd say that. 134 00:09:05,807 --> 00:09:09,686 Well, I'm not one of these grab-the-money-and-run merchants. 135 00:09:09,847 --> 00:09:12,600 My philosophy is look after the future now. 136 00:09:12,767 --> 00:09:14,758 My sentiments exactly! 137 00:09:14,927 --> 00:09:20,797 Let's see. P935 invested in a policy attracting a gross annual... 138 00:09:20,967 --> 00:09:25,279 - P935?! I'll take that now. - What about the future? 139 00:09:25,447 --> 00:09:27,642 What future? I work for Del. 140 00:09:29,847 --> 00:09:32,520 I don't quite understand, Mr Trotter. 141 00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:34,678 Let me try to explain. 142 00:09:34,847 --> 00:09:41,446 What would you do if you had an extra ten or twenty thousand pounds a year coming in? 143 00:09:41,607 --> 00:09:45,600 Build a new youth club? Buy a minibus for the old folks' outings? 144 00:09:45,767 --> 00:09:49,077 I'm not used to decisions of that magnitude. 145 00:09:49,247 --> 00:09:55,004 Well, I've come up with an idea that can revolutionise your fund-raising mechanism. 146 00:09:55,167 --> 00:09:58,284 - What do you put in there? - Communion wine. 147 00:09:58,447 --> 00:10:01,439 Before it goes in, it's not communion wine? 148 00:10:01,607 --> 00:10:05,520 - Not until I bless it. - Till you bless it, exactly! 149 00:10:05,687 --> 00:10:08,565 How long does it take to bless it? 150 00:10:08,727 --> 00:10:12,402 - Two or three minutes. - Let's call it three minutes. 151 00:10:12,567 --> 00:10:16,560 That's three minutes, three times a day. Three threes are nine. 152 00:10:16,727 --> 00:10:23,326 Nine minutes a day, seven days a week - 'cause I know you blokes work on Sundays! 153 00:10:23,487 --> 00:10:27,162 That's about one hour a week, times 52. 154 00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:32,242 That works out about two days a year that you lose just blessing wine, 155 00:10:32,407 --> 00:10:36,400 and that's not including the trip to Oddbins to pick it up. 156 00:10:36,567 --> 00:10:40,924 I reckon you lose about one week every year just blessing wine. 157 00:10:41,087 --> 00:10:44,363 - Possibly. - No, positively! 158 00:10:44,527 --> 00:10:50,841 Think of the clergymen all over the country who are also losing one week every year! 159 00:10:51,007 --> 00:10:55,364 Cor, dear! We must be losing months and months of vicar hours! 160 00:10:55,527 --> 00:11:00,521 Think of all the good works you could do with them lost months. 161 00:11:00,687 --> 00:11:02,678 I never thought of it like that. 162 00:11:02,847 --> 00:11:05,884 I have and it's been bothering me! 163 00:11:06,047 --> 00:11:11,201 Sit down, your reverence. Sit down and let me explain. 164 00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:17,158 I have worked out a way in which I can give you back that precious quality, time. 165 00:11:17,327 --> 00:11:20,603 - How? - Are you ready for this? 166 00:11:20,767 --> 00:11:24,282 "Trotter's Pre-blessed Wine"! 167 00:11:25,047 --> 00:11:27,845 - "Trotter's Pre-blessed Wine"? - Yes. 168 00:11:28,007 --> 00:11:30,805 It's like the holy version of sliced bread. 169 00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:33,276 Hang on a minute. 170 00:11:33,447 --> 00:11:36,757 I've got this mate, he's a vintner up north. 171 00:11:36,927 --> 00:11:40,602 He's shipping in this new range of Romanian wine. 172 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:43,998 - Romanian wine? - It's gonna be all the rage. 173 00:11:44,167 --> 00:11:48,957 They drive it from Tilbury to here, where you will bless it by the lorryload. 174 00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:55,478 Then we'll ship it to churches and cathedrals all over the country. 175 00:11:55,647 --> 00:11:57,877 There'll be no stopping us. 176 00:11:58,047 --> 00:12:01,642 This time next year, we'll be exporting all over Europe! 177 00:12:01,807 --> 00:12:05,686 And here is the brick on top of the chimney. 178 00:12:05,847 --> 00:12:10,716 We get it at 1.39 a bottle, we knock it out at P2.50! 179 00:12:10,887 --> 00:12:17,838 The church'll be rejoicing and you and I will be a nicker and a bit in front! Everyone wins. 180 00:12:18,007 --> 00:12:22,080 "Rien a dire, rien a faire" as they say in Lourdes! 181 00:12:22,247 --> 00:12:24,283 I see how it could save time... 182 00:12:24,447 --> 00:12:27,359 Yes, it can save time, and time is money! 183 00:12:27,527 --> 00:12:32,078 Money that is much better spent on roofs and orphans and organs! 184 00:12:32,247 --> 00:12:37,037 That's very commendable of you, Mr Trotter, but I'm slightly stunned. 185 00:12:37,207 --> 00:12:39,198 Of course you are! 186 00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:45,602 Now you know how the people felt when they saw the burning bush or the first Pot Noodle! 187 00:12:45,767 --> 00:12:51,637 This time next year, Thora Hird will ask for YOUR autograph! 188 00:12:53,327 --> 00:12:58,276 I know, it knocks you sideways, don't it? It must be a sign or something! 189 00:12:58,447 --> 00:13:00,881 I'll let you think about it. 190 00:13:01,047 --> 00:13:06,360 Meantime, I'll send in the first lorryload so you can have a practice. 191 00:13:06,527 --> 00:13:11,726 Try and interest your colleagues, square it with the bishops. You know it makes sense! 192 00:13:11,887 --> 00:13:17,086 That's for the christening - it was a belter! Bonjour for now! 193 00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:35,560 - Del Boy! - Sh! What do you want? 194 00:13:35,727 --> 00:13:40,005 I heard there's some business going down. Is there anything for me? 195 00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:43,921 - I'm Managing Director of me own firm now. - I'm impressed (!) 196 00:13:44,087 --> 00:13:47,796 No, there's nothing in it for you. I'm doing this for charity. 197 00:13:47,967 --> 00:13:50,720 Well, if you hear of something, let us know. 198 00:13:50,887 --> 00:13:55,358 - I've always done you a good turn. - When have you done anything for me? 199 00:13:55,527 --> 00:13:58,917 Well, I'll do you some good turns in the future! 200 00:13:59,087 --> 00:14:03,399 - Remember, if you want any help... - I'll bear it in mind. 201 00:14:04,807 --> 00:14:06,798 Wait a minute... 202 00:14:06,967 --> 00:14:08,958 Wait a minute! 203 00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:12,039 - I was wondering... - What? 204 00:14:12,207 --> 00:14:18,601 - I don't think you can handle it. - I can handle it, no sweat! What is it? 205 00:14:18,767 --> 00:14:23,557 Well... it's a little bit out of your normal area. 206 00:14:23,727 --> 00:14:26,799 As long as you're not frightened of a challenge? 207 00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:31,119 There's nothing I like better! I'm your man! 208 00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:37,157 All right, put it there! Come with me and I'll tell you what I want you to do. 209 00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:42,526 (MICKEY) My firm is in a phase of expansion. I was computerised three months ago. 210 00:14:42,687 --> 00:14:45,679 (DEL) I thought you had a bit of a limp! 211 00:14:52,407 --> 00:14:55,558 (CHUGGING RATTLE) 212 00:14:55,727 --> 00:14:58,799 (RATTLING STOPS) 213 00:15:10,687 --> 00:15:13,679 Oooh! Gordon B...! What's the matter? 214 00:15:13,847 --> 00:15:17,886 I'm so embarrassed! I wish you could choose your parents! 215 00:15:18,687 --> 00:15:21,759 Aw, no, it's not Alan again, is it? 216 00:15:21,927 --> 00:15:26,876 It's always the same at family parties. Two drinks, that's all it takes! 217 00:15:28,087 --> 00:15:30,442 You ought to stay off the scotch! 218 00:15:31,607 --> 00:15:35,316 I haven't been on the scotch. I've been on the shandies! 219 00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:41,566 Hello, Del. It's a smashing do! 220 00:15:42,567 --> 00:15:46,480 - Come on, love. - Kissie, kissie, Del! 221 00:15:47,807 --> 00:15:49,798 - Del! - Sorry! 222 00:15:49,967 --> 00:15:53,084 - Take her home, Daddy! - Then what? 223 00:15:53,247 --> 00:15:58,685 - I've got some rope in my van! - Don't, Del! Come on, Pam! 224 00:16:03,327 --> 00:16:07,286 - Ooh! - How will I live the embarrassment down? 225 00:16:07,447 --> 00:16:10,484 Talk to Rodney. He's had years of experience! 226 00:16:10,647 --> 00:16:16,483 Sorry. Talking of Rodney, he's gutted about this Saturday and Sunday arrangement. 227 00:16:16,647 --> 00:16:20,322 - What's happened between you two? - It's private, Del. 228 00:16:20,487 --> 00:16:24,958 I won't stick me nose in, but if you want to talk, either of you, I'm here. 229 00:16:25,127 --> 00:16:30,155 You know me, I'm straight down the line, no old bull and no porkies. 230 00:16:30,327 --> 00:16:32,841 - Thanks, Del. - All right. 231 00:16:33,007 --> 00:16:34,918 - Is Damien at the flat? - Yeah. 232 00:16:35,087 --> 00:16:38,875 - Who's baby-sitting? - Mickey Pearce. 233 00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:47,724 (ALBERT SINGS AND PLAYS PIANO) 234 00:16:51,767 --> 00:16:54,235 Is that the holiday brochure? 235 00:16:54,407 --> 00:16:57,240 Yes. These are the hotels we're staying at! 236 00:16:57,407 --> 00:17:03,437 How many times must I tell her to keep quiet about this holiday?! 237 00:17:03,607 --> 00:17:05,677 Why's that, Boycie? 238 00:17:05,847 --> 00:17:10,079 I don't want everyone to know my house will be empty for three weeks! 239 00:17:10,247 --> 00:17:12,636 I'm security-conscious these days. 240 00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:17,642 That's why I haven't ordered a cab for the airport. Del Boy's doing it. 241 00:17:17,807 --> 00:17:21,083 I wanted a close and trusted friend to take us. 242 00:17:21,247 --> 00:17:26,401 - They were all busy, were they? - Right, so I had to ask Del! 243 00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:30,398 Mind you, he's put on a good spread here today! 244 00:17:30,567 --> 00:17:34,799 HE'S put on a good spread?! This is all on the slate! 245 00:17:34,967 --> 00:17:39,563 I've got so many of his slates under here, I could retile me bloody roof! 246 00:17:39,727 --> 00:17:41,718 Del will pay you. No worries. 247 00:17:41,887 --> 00:17:44,082 Yeah, Del's had a big cheque arrive. 248 00:17:44,247 --> 00:17:46,886 - What about that, Mouthy? - 935 quid! 249 00:17:47,047 --> 00:17:48,924 - See? - I saw the cheque! 250 00:17:49,087 --> 00:17:53,319 (MIKE) Yeah, I saw an advert for the RAC, but I still broke down! 251 00:17:58,727 --> 00:18:03,881 Gotcha! What did you leave this in your jacket for? Someone could have taken it! 252 00:18:04,047 --> 00:18:05,560 Somebody did! 253 00:18:05,727 --> 00:18:11,165 This could have been nicked and cashed before you could say Marriage Guidance Council. 254 00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:13,443 Shut up about that! 255 00:18:13,607 --> 00:18:16,917 I'm paying this into your account, all right? 256 00:18:17,087 --> 00:18:19,760 How are things between you and Cassandra? 257 00:18:19,927 --> 00:18:22,566 - Why? - You don't seem to be talking to her. 258 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:27,198 - We ain't got much to say. - What's the problem between you? 259 00:18:27,367 --> 00:18:29,437 It's private, all right? 260 00:18:29,607 --> 00:18:32,804 You used to confide in me. Now you tell me nothing. 261 00:18:32,967 --> 00:18:38,325 - I might be able to help you! - It is private! I'll sort it out in me own way! 262 00:18:38,487 --> 00:18:41,479 You'll sort nothing out without talking about it! 263 00:18:41,647 --> 00:18:44,639 - All right! - All right. Go and enjoy yourself! 264 00:18:46,287 --> 00:18:48,960 (DEL) Mike, give me a pina colada. 265 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:51,766 - Bloody women! - Problems, Dave? 266 00:18:51,927 --> 00:18:53,918 I don't want to talk about it. 267 00:18:54,087 --> 00:18:57,079 Have you ever been wrongly accused of something? 268 00:18:57,247 --> 00:19:00,205 - Once. - How did you get out of it? 269 00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:02,756 I didn't. I was guilty. 270 00:19:08,287 --> 00:19:11,757 You're going to the airport in style, in my Capri Ghia. 271 00:19:11,927 --> 00:19:15,761 - What time shall I pick you up? - 11.00. The plane leaves at 1.30. 272 00:19:15,927 --> 00:19:19,158 - I wouldn't go to America. - What's wrong with it? 273 00:19:19,327 --> 00:19:23,639 - It's violent, innit? - You've been watching too much telly! 274 00:19:23,807 --> 00:19:26,799 They're on the verge of a drugs war over there! 275 00:19:26,967 --> 00:19:29,242 Who told you that?! 276 00:19:29,407 --> 00:19:32,240 Well, I saw a programme on the telly. 277 00:19:33,727 --> 00:19:36,241 See what I mean? Soppy as a sack! 278 00:19:37,207 --> 00:19:43,157 I'll bet he sent a note of sympathy to Rita Fairclough when old Len snuffed it! 279 00:19:43,327 --> 00:19:47,240 He closed the pub for a week when Daphne in "Neighbours" died! 280 00:19:47,407 --> 00:19:49,796 When I say a programme on the telly... 281 00:19:49,967 --> 00:19:52,800 You shouldn't laugh about things like that. 282 00:19:52,967 --> 00:19:54,958 Eh? 283 00:19:55,127 --> 00:19:57,641 The dead can't defend themselves. 284 00:19:57,807 --> 00:20:00,162 No, you see, Trig, the thing was... 285 00:20:00,327 --> 00:20:03,046 She had a three-month-old baby! 286 00:20:03,207 --> 00:20:05,641 Rita Fairclough? 287 00:20:05,807 --> 00:20:07,843 I'm talking about Daphne! 288 00:20:08,007 --> 00:20:11,886 Yeah, I'm sorry, Trig. It was, it was tragic! 289 00:20:12,047 --> 00:20:17,041 Well... I've made my point. 290 00:20:20,447 --> 00:20:23,325 Yeah, sorry about that, Trig. 291 00:20:23,487 --> 00:20:27,560 You've got to be very careful. Trig gets very emotional. 292 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:30,321 He's Italian on his dad's friend's side. 293 00:20:31,887 --> 00:20:34,117 When I say a programme on the telly, 294 00:20:34,287 --> 00:20:38,724 I don't mean "Hill Street Blues" or "Magnum". This was "Panorama"! 295 00:20:38,887 --> 00:20:43,244 - (BOTH) "Panorama"! - Contract killers are on the loose over there. 296 00:20:43,407 --> 00:20:47,480 How's that going to affect Boycie? He's going with Thomas Cook! 297 00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:52,402 No hit man is going to have a pop at two British tourists! 298 00:20:52,567 --> 00:20:54,603 If he does, he'd better do it in the evening. 299 00:20:54,767 --> 00:20:59,318 One look at Marlene when she gets out of bed would make anyone run a mile! 300 00:20:59,487 --> 00:21:03,685 - She'd put the frights up Hannibal Lecter! - I like that, Del! 301 00:21:03,847 --> 00:21:07,965 How do you know what Marlene looks like when she gets out of bed? 302 00:21:08,127 --> 00:21:11,244 - Your milkman told me. - Oh. 303 00:21:16,887 --> 00:21:20,402 (DISTANT PASSING SIREN) 304 00:21:24,807 --> 00:21:27,162 - Hi. - Hi. 305 00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:31,723 - Lovely evening. - Mmm. 306 00:21:32,887 --> 00:21:35,196 You got time for a chat? 307 00:21:35,367 --> 00:21:39,042 If it's anything to do with uniforms, the answer's no. 308 00:21:39,207 --> 00:21:42,005 Sh! It's nothing to do with uniforms! 309 00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:45,842 I'm not dressing up as a Victorian maid for anyone! 310 00:21:46,007 --> 00:21:49,556 Look, I'd had a few drinks and said something stupid. 311 00:21:49,727 --> 00:21:54,323 That's no reason to kick me out of the flat. Haven't you ever said something stupid? 312 00:21:54,487 --> 00:21:57,559 Yeah, two years ago I said, "I do"! 313 00:22:00,567 --> 00:22:03,843 - That's not fair, Cass. - I didn't mean it. 314 00:22:05,007 --> 00:22:06,406 Sorry. 315 00:22:08,087 --> 00:22:12,478 - I won't mention uniforms again, I promise. - All right, then. 316 00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:16,479 Well, glad the christening went off all right. 317 00:22:16,647 --> 00:22:20,322 I thought it was really moving. He's such a lovely baby. 318 00:22:20,487 --> 00:22:22,478 Lovely? 319 00:22:22,647 --> 00:22:27,118 He's always biting me! He takes great chunks of flesh out me arms! 320 00:22:27,287 --> 00:22:29,801 You liar! He smiled when he saw you. 321 00:22:29,967 --> 00:22:33,084 Yeah, 'cause he thought, "Here comes elevenses!" 322 00:22:34,087 --> 00:22:37,796 Oh, shut up. He's a beautiful little thing. 323 00:22:37,967 --> 00:22:41,118 You ain't got to live in the same flat as... 324 00:22:42,847 --> 00:22:48,205 Sorry. I wasn't trying to... Well, you know. 325 00:22:48,367 --> 00:22:53,202 You don't live at Del's all the time. We spend weekends together. 326 00:22:53,367 --> 00:22:56,757 Oh, yeah, yeah. We spend weekends together. 327 00:22:56,927 --> 00:23:01,557 Don't start. We discussed all our problems with the Relate counsellor. 328 00:23:01,727 --> 00:23:06,198 Remember what she said after she stopped laughing? 329 00:23:06,367 --> 00:23:10,645 She advised us to go slowly and just spend weekends together at first. 330 00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:14,561 - You must be joking! - Well, the offer still holds. 331 00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:17,719 It's up to you. Now, could we change the subject? 332 00:23:17,887 --> 00:23:19,878 Yes, sorry! 333 00:23:21,487 --> 00:23:25,639 How are things at the bank? Heard anything about your promotion? 334 00:23:25,807 --> 00:23:29,083 Not yet, but I'm definitely on the shortlist. 335 00:23:29,247 --> 00:23:33,001 I've been invited to the company's seminar in Eastbourne. 336 00:23:33,167 --> 00:23:35,237 A seminar in Eastbourne (!) 337 00:23:35,407 --> 00:23:37,398 Sorry. 338 00:23:38,727 --> 00:23:44,404 - It's important, this seminar? - It's where the final interviews will be held. 339 00:23:44,567 --> 00:23:49,357 - Well... here's to your future. - OURS. 340 00:23:49,527 --> 00:23:54,681 - Yeah. - Don't look like that! Please? 341 00:23:56,247 --> 00:23:59,000 This is supposed to be a happy occasion. 342 00:23:59,167 --> 00:24:01,806 That's just it! Everybody's celebrating! 343 00:24:01,967 --> 00:24:04,527 Boycie and Marlene are off to the States, 344 00:24:04,687 --> 00:24:07,440 Del and Raquel have christened the chavie. 345 00:24:07,607 --> 00:24:09,518 That could be us in a while. 346 00:24:11,687 --> 00:24:13,279 What, a baby? 347 00:24:13,447 --> 00:24:18,521 No, I meant we could go to America. It's been an ambition of mine. 348 00:24:18,687 --> 00:24:21,884 Once I get my promotion, we could put some money aside 349 00:24:22,047 --> 00:24:24,800 and have a holiday in California or Florida. 350 00:24:26,167 --> 00:24:27,566 Yeah? When? 351 00:24:27,727 --> 00:24:29,206 A couple of years. 352 00:24:32,247 --> 00:24:33,646 Cosmic! 353 00:24:38,807 --> 00:24:41,685 (TRIG) There are thousands of trees in the world! 354 00:24:41,847 --> 00:24:43,644 It is not just a bunch of trees! 355 00:24:43,807 --> 00:24:47,083 It's the Brazilian rainforest, the lungs of the world! 356 00:24:47,247 --> 00:24:50,364 They are destroying it at the rate of 25 acres a day! 357 00:24:50,527 --> 00:24:52,916 - Where is that, exactly? - Huh? 358 00:24:53,087 --> 00:24:55,999 Where is the Brazilian rainforest? 359 00:24:56,167 --> 00:25:00,240 It's outside Luton! Where do you think?! It's in Brazil! 360 00:25:01,487 --> 00:25:07,244 Albert, there you are! I've booked you a front row seat at the launderama! 361 00:25:07,407 --> 00:25:10,319 Away you go. Rodney, I want a word with you. 362 00:25:10,487 --> 00:25:14,799 Give us a decaffeinated cappuccino and a jam doughnut, Sid. 363 00:25:14,967 --> 00:25:20,519 He's on about that bleedin' rainforest again. That's the fourth lecture this week! 364 00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:22,996 Well, he's worried about our world. 365 00:25:23,167 --> 00:25:26,477 It wouldn't hurt you to care a bit more - look at that! 366 00:25:26,647 --> 00:25:30,720 It's fossil fuels. People don't realise what damage they're doing. 367 00:25:30,887 --> 00:25:35,881 I don't have none of them in my house. I use gas and oil. 368 00:25:37,167 --> 00:25:40,000 - Trig, they ARE fossil fuels. - Are they? 369 00:25:40,167 --> 00:25:43,239 Well, I'll switch to coal in future. 370 00:25:43,407 --> 00:25:46,046 No! Coal is the same! 371 00:25:46,207 --> 00:25:49,995 I had a coal burner fitted. It's not as dear as you think. 372 00:25:50,167 --> 00:25:52,317 Put it on Rodney's slate. 373 00:25:52,487 --> 00:25:56,162 (RODNEY) I don't know how many bloody trees there are, Trig! 374 00:25:56,327 --> 00:25:59,876 Rodders, leave it out! You'll never turn this lot "green" 375 00:26:00,047 --> 00:26:03,244 as long as you've got a hole in your ozone! 376 00:26:03,407 --> 00:26:07,685 I've got some exciting news to tell you in private. Come here. 377 00:26:07,847 --> 00:26:09,838 Private, please! Thank you. 378 00:26:10,007 --> 00:26:15,035 I give up on you two! It's so frustrating trying to explain 379 00:26:15,207 --> 00:26:17,402 what is happening on this planet! 380 00:26:17,567 --> 00:26:19,683 It gives me the hump an' all! 381 00:26:19,847 --> 00:26:23,999 They are more concerned with a postcard from Boycie and Marlene! 382 00:26:24,167 --> 00:26:27,842 Gawd, dear! We had one this morning! It's a lovely hotel. 383 00:26:28,007 --> 00:26:29,998 Del! 384 00:26:30,167 --> 00:26:32,727 So what's this exciting news? 385 00:26:32,887 --> 00:26:37,085 Well, I went down the bank to pay in your cheque. 386 00:26:37,247 --> 00:26:41,240 I'd have gone earlier, but I've been having trouble with me wine deal. Thanks, Sid. 387 00:26:41,407 --> 00:26:44,001 - So you have paid it in? - Of course I have! 388 00:26:44,167 --> 00:26:48,558 You've got to look after that money. Don't go sending it off to Sting! 389 00:26:48,727 --> 00:26:54,677 Anyway, when I was down there, I bumped into Cassandra and we went for lunch. 390 00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:57,600 While I was having lunch, I had this great idea. 391 00:26:57,767 --> 00:27:00,406 I know you like to travel... 392 00:27:00,567 --> 00:27:02,603 I am not going to Romania! 393 00:27:02,767 --> 00:27:06,282 - Your wine shipment's got problems. - Who said that?! 394 00:27:06,447 --> 00:27:11,521 Raquel said you had a call from Bucharest that made you go pale and sweaty. 395 00:27:11,687 --> 00:27:16,078 It's nothing I can't handle, just a hiccup with the old translation. 396 00:27:16,247 --> 00:27:19,080 Anyway, this idea was for you and Cassandra. 397 00:27:19,247 --> 00:27:22,557 We was talking about Boycie and Marlene's holiday. 398 00:27:22,727 --> 00:27:27,164 Now, it worked out that Cassandra would love to go to America. 399 00:27:28,487 --> 00:27:32,116 On the way here, I called in to see Alex the travel agent. 400 00:27:32,287 --> 00:27:35,484 He has got a once-in-a-lifetime offer! 401 00:27:35,647 --> 00:27:37,877 It's practically a giveaway! 402 00:27:39,367 --> 00:27:42,564 Return tickets to Miami, 250 smackeroonies! 403 00:27:42,727 --> 00:27:47,039 Well, that's a monkey before you got a bed for the night, innit? 404 00:27:47,207 --> 00:27:52,076 No! Here's the cherry on top of the cake - two go for the price of one! 405 00:27:52,247 --> 00:27:58,277 Think about it, Rodney - you and Cassandra spending a week on Miami Beach! 406 00:27:58,447 --> 00:28:02,235 Miami... Nah, I could never afford it. 407 00:28:02,407 --> 00:28:07,242 'Course you can afford it! You've got your Maxwell money, haven't ya? 408 00:28:07,407 --> 00:28:11,366 - Me what? - Maxwell, your pension money. 409 00:28:14,847 --> 00:28:17,520 Miami...? Two for the price of one? 410 00:28:17,687 --> 00:28:21,919 Rodney, just think about it - she'll love it, I know that. 411 00:28:22,087 --> 00:28:26,922 Imagine how she'll feel when you announce your holiday of a lifetime! 412 00:28:27,087 --> 00:28:30,443 She'll be all over you like a rash! 413 00:28:30,607 --> 00:28:33,963 Is that a brilliant idea or just wonderful? 414 00:28:35,487 --> 00:28:37,682 It's a cosmic idea! 415 00:28:37,847 --> 00:28:40,919 - Would you give me the time off? - Of course! 416 00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:42,998 Ace! But what about Cassy? 417 00:28:43,167 --> 00:28:48,560 The bank owe her three weeks' holiday - she told me. You're off and running, bruv! 418 00:28:48,727 --> 00:28:52,561 Yeah? I'd better go and phone her and make sure it's all right. 419 00:28:52,727 --> 00:28:57,357 No, don't phone her. Sit down there. 420 00:28:57,527 --> 00:28:59,518 You take her out for dinner, 421 00:28:59,687 --> 00:29:03,600 and when you get to the old coffee and the Grand "Monier" stakes, 422 00:29:03,767 --> 00:29:06,998 you throw the tickets down on the table and you say, 423 00:29:07,167 --> 00:29:12,400 "Darling, I am taking you to Miami." You'll knock her bandy! 424 00:29:12,567 --> 00:29:16,958 Yeah! I'd better get down that travel agent's a bit sharpish! 425 00:29:17,127 --> 00:29:19,118 No, no, don't go down there. 426 00:29:19,287 --> 00:29:21,881 Save the shoe leather, Rodney, 427 00:29:22,047 --> 00:29:25,278 'cause you see, I got them for you! 428 00:29:26,887 --> 00:29:29,526 Derek, you are a diamond! 429 00:29:29,687 --> 00:29:32,360 How did you know I wanted them? 430 00:29:32,527 --> 00:29:36,964 Even a plonker like you wouldn't turn your nose up at a deal like this! 431 00:29:37,127 --> 00:29:40,915 I don't know what I'd do without you! I'd never have thought... 432 00:29:41,087 --> 00:29:43,999 How did you afford it? I thought you were skint. 433 00:29:44,167 --> 00:29:46,601 I am. I cashed one of your cheques. 434 00:29:46,767 --> 00:29:50,806 - You took money out of my account? - Don't you dare thank me! 435 00:29:51,967 --> 00:29:56,677 It was nothing. I can forge your signature as easy as that! 436 00:30:00,087 --> 00:30:01,679 (TV ON) 437 00:30:04,967 --> 00:30:07,527 - All right? - Lovely, son. 438 00:30:07,687 --> 00:30:13,478 - Where is everyone? - Little 'un's in his cot, Raquel's cooking, 439 00:30:13,647 --> 00:30:18,562 Rodney's taken Cassandra to dinner. He's gonna tell her about Miami. 440 00:30:18,727 --> 00:30:22,720 - I'd love to be there and see her face! - So would I! 441 00:30:24,047 --> 00:30:26,242 'Ere, look. Oi! Oi! 442 00:30:26,407 --> 00:30:28,045 (TV OFF) 443 00:30:28,207 --> 00:30:29,686 Any calls for me? 444 00:30:29,847 --> 00:30:31,917 - Calls? - Has the telephone rung 445 00:30:32,087 --> 00:30:35,397 - and a voice asked for me? - Not that I'm aware of. 446 00:30:35,567 --> 00:30:41,119 - Thank God for that! - Talking about God, I saw a funny thing today. 447 00:30:41,287 --> 00:30:45,121 I was walking past the church where we held the christening, 448 00:30:45,287 --> 00:30:48,359 and there was a big articulated lorry outside. 449 00:30:48,527 --> 00:30:53,555 There was some sort of German writing on the side, and the back doors were open. 450 00:30:53,727 --> 00:30:55,843 Full of cases of wine, it was. 451 00:30:56,927 --> 00:31:00,124 And that vicar, the one what christened Damien, 452 00:31:00,287 --> 00:31:05,998 he was making the sign of the cross and saying a prayer to this lorry. 453 00:31:06,167 --> 00:31:09,842 Funny old world, innit, eh? Listen to me. 454 00:31:10,007 --> 00:31:14,205 Anyone phones or calls round asking for me, I'm not in, all right? 455 00:31:14,367 --> 00:31:18,042 Does "anyone" mean people with Romanian accents? 456 00:31:18,207 --> 00:31:19,720 Hello, sweetheart. 457 00:31:19,887 --> 00:31:23,357 No, I didn't mean people with Romanian accents. 458 00:31:23,527 --> 00:31:28,601 I just thought I ought to maintain a bit of a low profile for a while. 459 00:31:28,767 --> 00:31:31,201 I think I'll take a look at Damien. 460 00:31:31,367 --> 00:31:34,837 You dare! It's taken me over an hour to get him to sleep! 461 00:31:35,007 --> 00:31:40,161 All right. I'll make meself a Singapore Sling to unwind, and take a hot bath. 462 00:31:40,327 --> 00:31:41,726 (DOOR SLAMS) 463 00:31:41,887 --> 00:31:44,924 - Rodney's back. - (DEL) All right, Rodders? 464 00:31:45,087 --> 00:31:49,126 - What does Cassandra say? - I'm going to bed! 465 00:31:49,287 --> 00:31:54,122 - Everything all right, bruv? - Brilliant, Del! Bloody brilliant! 466 00:31:54,287 --> 00:31:57,120 Cassandra cannot come to Miami with me! 467 00:31:57,287 --> 00:31:59,084 - (DEL) Eh? - Why not? 468 00:31:59,247 --> 00:32:02,398 - Because she is busy that week! - Doing what? 469 00:32:02,567 --> 00:32:06,765 She has to attend the bank's seminar in bloody Eastbourne! 470 00:32:06,927 --> 00:32:14,277 She is giving up a trip to Miami for some crappy interview so she can become an executive! 471 00:32:14,447 --> 00:32:17,007 She should get her priorities right! 472 00:32:17,167 --> 00:32:21,240 - Let's be fair about this. - Let's be fair, Rodney. 473 00:32:21,407 --> 00:32:23,841 These interviews are very important. 474 00:32:24,007 --> 00:32:28,319 Five years of college and evening school have led to this seminar. 475 00:32:28,487 --> 00:32:32,241 You can't expect her to risk her future for a week in the sun. 476 00:32:32,407 --> 00:32:34,716 It's not that. It's just my luck - 477 00:32:34,887 --> 00:32:40,166 any other week would have been fine but, no, it had to be that week! 478 00:32:40,327 --> 00:32:43,637 I know it's tough, but it's just the way it goes. 479 00:32:43,807 --> 00:32:46,367 Well, for me it is, yeah. 480 00:32:46,527 --> 00:32:50,236 - See you in the morning. - Yeah, goodnight, bruv. 481 00:32:51,767 --> 00:32:54,281 Dear, oh, dear, oh, Lord. 482 00:32:54,447 --> 00:32:58,406 That's a bit of a body blow, innit? There you are. 483 00:32:58,567 --> 00:33:01,035 Yeah, he was looking forward to that. 484 00:33:01,207 --> 00:33:03,801 He should have phoned Cassandra first. 485 00:33:03,967 --> 00:33:05,958 Yeah. 486 00:33:07,887 --> 00:33:14,042 I told him to phone her. I said, "Phone her. Make sure she can make that week!" 487 00:33:14,207 --> 00:33:17,882 But he wouldn't listen. You know what he's like. 488 00:33:18,047 --> 00:33:19,639 - It's a shame. - Yeah! 489 00:33:27,887 --> 00:33:32,677 Stupid bank! Stupid, stupid bank! 490 00:33:44,287 --> 00:33:47,916 (MENACING CHORAL MUSIC) 491 00:33:48,087 --> 00:33:54,117 Go to sleep, Damien, otherwise Uncle Rodney will get angry. You won't like me... 492 00:33:54,287 --> 00:33:56,926 (ON INTERCOM)... when I'm angry! 493 00:33:59,087 --> 00:34:01,965 Look, just pack it in, will ya? 494 00:34:02,127 --> 00:34:05,881 You don't frighten me, so just go to sleep, you little sod! 495 00:34:06,047 --> 00:34:10,484 - What's he doing in there? - Having a row with Damien. 496 00:34:10,647 --> 00:34:12,558 How do you work this thing? 497 00:34:12,727 --> 00:34:16,037 (DISTORTED VOICE ON INTERCOM) Who are you talking to? 498 00:34:16,207 --> 00:34:18,721 Jesus on a bike! 499 00:34:21,567 --> 00:34:23,159 What's happened? 500 00:34:27,327 --> 00:34:28,999 All right, bruv? 501 00:34:29,167 --> 00:34:32,603 - Yeah, yeah, fine. - You look pale. 502 00:34:32,767 --> 00:34:34,758 No... 503 00:34:34,927 --> 00:34:39,398 I was just thinking, I won't sleep with Damien no more... 504 00:34:40,567 --> 00:34:46,005 ...'cause I keep snoring and waking him up, bless him. 505 00:34:46,167 --> 00:34:49,000 I'll just kip on the sofa if that's all right. 506 00:34:49,167 --> 00:34:53,160 - Anything you like, bruv. - I'll just have a quick shower. 507 00:34:53,327 --> 00:34:55,158 (DAMIEN CRIES) 508 00:34:55,327 --> 00:34:57,079 Sorry. 509 00:34:57,247 --> 00:35:02,605 - It's all right. I'm used to it. - You going, are you? All right. 510 00:35:08,287 --> 00:35:12,200 You was really looking forward to going to Miami, weren't ya? 511 00:35:12,367 --> 00:35:16,326 I had dreams of what it would be like. 512 00:35:16,487 --> 00:35:18,364 You'll get your money back. 513 00:35:18,527 --> 00:35:21,439 No, I won't. The tickets are non-refundable. 514 00:35:21,607 --> 00:35:24,838 - Still going, aren't you? - Of course I ain't! 515 00:35:25,007 --> 00:35:31,480 Cassandra will think you're just a puppet who can't do anything unless she pulls your strings! 516 00:35:31,647 --> 00:35:35,959 - But I'll be all on me own. - You're only going for a week! 517 00:35:36,127 --> 00:35:41,599 What about him? He was on his own once for three months on an uninhabited island! 518 00:35:41,767 --> 00:35:46,124 It wasn't uninhabited when he arrived, but that's another story. 519 00:35:46,287 --> 00:35:50,360 You have to go. You've got to prove to Cassandra that you're a man 520 00:35:50,527 --> 00:35:54,998 and you're not frightened to stand on your own two feet. 521 00:35:55,167 --> 00:35:59,285 - You know, you're right! - So you're going, son? 522 00:35:59,447 --> 00:36:01,961 Possibly. 523 00:36:05,407 --> 00:36:07,762 He won't go, will he? 524 00:36:07,927 --> 00:36:11,124 Yeah, of course he'll go, Unc, and do you know why? 525 00:36:11,287 --> 00:36:13,755 Because I'm going with him! 526 00:36:15,087 --> 00:36:17,840 There you are. 527 00:36:18,007 --> 00:36:23,161 You've got a lovely cot, haven't you? You're all warm and happy. 528 00:36:24,367 --> 00:36:27,279 We wish poor Uncle Rodney was, don't we? 529 00:36:27,447 --> 00:36:30,007 He can't go to Miami now. 530 00:36:30,167 --> 00:36:32,681 It's a shame. 531 00:36:32,847 --> 00:36:37,967 Shall I put your mobile on for you, the one Daddy bought you? Yeah? 532 00:36:39,087 --> 00:36:44,002 You've got a lovely daddy, haven't you, buying you these presents? 533 00:36:44,167 --> 00:36:46,727 (MOBILE DOESN'T PLAY TUNE) 534 00:36:46,887 --> 00:36:50,675 Maybe Daddy could go with Uncle Rodney? 535 00:36:50,847 --> 00:36:53,680 You wouldn't mind, would you? 536 00:36:53,847 --> 00:36:56,805 He'd only be gone for a week. 537 00:36:56,967 --> 00:36:58,923 (NO MUSIC FROM MOBILE) 538 00:36:59,087 --> 00:37:01,203 I wonder where Daddy got that from? 539 00:37:02,527 --> 00:37:05,997 It's a mystery, like so many things! 540 00:37:08,207 --> 00:37:10,562 Can you persuade Raquel? 541 00:37:10,727 --> 00:37:13,287 Can Fergie ski (?) 542 00:37:13,447 --> 00:37:19,317 I only wanna go for a week in Miami. I'm not taking a six-month exhibition up the jungle! 543 00:37:19,487 --> 00:37:23,162 My Ada weren't too happy when I told her I was going abroad. 544 00:37:23,327 --> 00:37:28,117 You joined the navy and went round the world seven bloody times! 545 00:37:28,287 --> 00:37:31,563 No wonder the poor cow got the needle! 546 00:37:31,727 --> 00:37:35,436 Night, night, baby. Mummy's just outside. 547 00:37:35,607 --> 00:37:38,758 I'll switch your little box on in case you need me. 548 00:37:38,927 --> 00:37:42,840 (DEL ON INTERCOM) All I want to do is go to Miami with Rodney! 549 00:37:43,007 --> 00:37:45,157 He's got a ticket going begging! 550 00:37:45,327 --> 00:37:48,717 Raquel has been to America, ain't she? What about me? 551 00:37:48,887 --> 00:37:50,878 I've been nowhere! 552 00:37:51,047 --> 00:37:53,277 Benidorm and Bognor, that's me! 553 00:37:53,447 --> 00:37:58,726 Nah, she'll be all right. Raquel will be OK, you'll see. 554 00:37:58,887 --> 00:38:02,562 Yeah, I'll work her. Everything will be cushty! 555 00:38:02,727 --> 00:38:05,958 I wouldn't be surprised if she puts a block on ya. 556 00:38:06,127 --> 00:38:09,881 Leave it out, Uncle. I'm the guv'nor in this house, ain't I? 557 00:38:10,047 --> 00:38:13,960 I shall just say, "Raquel, I'm going to Miami with my brother, 558 00:38:14,127 --> 00:38:18,006 "like it or lump it! Pick the bones out of that, darling!" 559 00:38:18,167 --> 00:38:21,443 - All right, sweetheart? - Yeah, he's settled down. 560 00:38:21,607 --> 00:38:23,996 Del's got something to tell you, love. 561 00:38:24,167 --> 00:38:26,965 (RAQUEL) What's that? 562 00:38:28,967 --> 00:38:33,563 That programme you want to watch is about to start! 563 00:38:33,727 --> 00:38:36,958 - Sit down. - But your dinner's in the oven. 564 00:38:37,127 --> 00:38:41,643 Don't worry, I like it all baked up. Can I get you a drink? 565 00:38:41,807 --> 00:38:45,004 - No, thanks. - All right. Are you nice and comfy? 566 00:38:45,167 --> 00:38:47,283 - Mmm. - There you are, darling! 567 00:38:47,447 --> 00:38:50,086 Cushty! 568 00:38:50,247 --> 00:38:53,876 Come on, then. Come to your lover. 569 00:38:54,047 --> 00:38:56,038 That's it. 570 00:39:04,287 --> 00:39:07,518 It's a shame, innit? 571 00:39:07,687 --> 00:39:10,247 Mmm. 572 00:39:13,487 --> 00:39:16,365 Yes, it's a crying bloody shame. 573 00:39:16,527 --> 00:39:20,076 - What is? - Poor little Rodney. 574 00:39:20,247 --> 00:39:23,045 You mean those tickets to Miami, son? 575 00:39:23,207 --> 00:39:28,600 That's right. Cassandra can't go with him so he won't be able to go. 576 00:39:28,767 --> 00:39:32,157 - Couldn't Rodney go on his own? - Definitely not! 577 00:39:32,327 --> 00:39:35,797 - I went to America on my own. - You've got a bit of savvy. 578 00:39:35,967 --> 00:39:40,518 You couldn't have Rodney Trotter AND Dan Quayle on the same continent! 579 00:39:40,687 --> 00:39:43,520 No, he needs someone to look after him. 580 00:39:43,687 --> 00:39:46,485 That's it, innit? But what can you do? 581 00:39:46,647 --> 00:39:48,763 Mmm... 582 00:39:52,247 --> 00:39:54,807 Poor little Rodney. 583 00:39:54,967 --> 00:39:58,084 - I've got an idea! - What's that, Unc? 584 00:39:58,247 --> 00:40:00,477 Why don't he take someone with him? 585 00:40:00,647 --> 00:40:04,720 That's a good idea! I'm surprised you didn't think of that, Del! 586 00:40:04,887 --> 00:40:08,277 Yeah, so am I. Of course, the trouble is... 587 00:40:08,447 --> 00:40:10,403 - Who? - Who? 588 00:40:10,567 --> 00:40:13,286 What about Mickey Pearce? 589 00:40:18,287 --> 00:40:21,040 Great idea. It's a brilliant idea. 590 00:40:21,207 --> 00:40:24,358 But the tickets are made out in the name of Trotter. 591 00:40:24,527 --> 00:40:28,076 - They're not transferable. - You mean he's got to go 592 00:40:28,247 --> 00:40:32,957 - with someone named Trotter? - Exactly! Exactly. 593 00:40:34,567 --> 00:40:39,277 Oh, dear! Poor little Rodney! 594 00:40:42,207 --> 00:40:45,517 - Why don't you go with him, Del? - Me?! 595 00:40:45,687 --> 00:40:48,326 Yeah! Your name's Trotter! 596 00:40:48,487 --> 00:40:53,481 Yes, yes, great, but... 597 00:40:53,647 --> 00:40:55,763 But what? 598 00:40:55,927 --> 00:40:59,636 I couldn't leave you and Damien on your own! 599 00:40:59,807 --> 00:41:01,240 I'd be here. 600 00:41:01,407 --> 00:41:06,606 That's like asking McDonald's to look after your cow, innit?! 601 00:41:06,767 --> 00:41:11,363 It's only for a week! Damien and I could just about manage to survive! 602 00:41:11,527 --> 00:41:15,759 I couldn't do that. I'm not that sort of bloke. I'd be worried sick. 603 00:41:15,927 --> 00:41:19,397 All right, then. I don't want to make you ill! 604 00:41:22,767 --> 00:41:26,077 On the other hand, I don't want to be selfish. 605 00:41:26,247 --> 00:41:28,761 I couldn't imagine you being that, Del. 606 00:41:28,927 --> 00:41:35,400 The thing is, this is the chance of a lifetime for little Rodney, the poor little cock! 607 00:41:35,567 --> 00:41:38,320 And as it was my idea, I feel partly to blame. 608 00:41:38,487 --> 00:41:40,478 Go to Miami, Del! 609 00:41:40,647 --> 00:41:43,764 - Really? - Really. You'll love it! 610 00:41:44,807 --> 00:41:47,560 Terrific! 611 00:41:51,727 --> 00:41:54,799 Of course, I'm not really looking forward to it. 612 00:41:54,967 --> 00:41:57,356 I'm only doing it for... 613 00:41:57,527 --> 00:42:00,166 (BOTH)... poor little Rodney! 614 00:42:00,327 --> 00:42:04,718 Oh, darling... you know what, Raquel? 615 00:42:04,887 --> 00:42:07,720 You've got a heart like a diamond. 616 00:42:07,887 --> 00:42:11,800 You know what you remind me of? You remind me so much of my mum! 617 00:42:13,287 --> 00:42:14,686 Thanks. 618 00:42:14,847 --> 00:42:17,680 I'll bring ya back a blinding present! 619 00:42:17,847 --> 00:42:20,839 'Ere, Rodney. Del's got some good news for you! 620 00:42:21,007 --> 00:42:23,123 What's that, then? 621 00:42:23,287 --> 00:42:25,926 I'm coming to Miami with ya! 622 00:42:26,087 --> 00:42:27,600 You bloody ain't! 623 00:42:30,327 --> 00:42:33,637 - Eh? - I ain't going on holiday with you! 624 00:42:34,807 --> 00:42:37,526 Excuse me. Excuse me a moment, would you? 625 00:42:37,687 --> 00:42:41,600 Can I have a word with you in the executive boardroom? 626 00:42:41,767 --> 00:42:43,485 Wherever you want! 627 00:42:43,647 --> 00:42:46,764 He's just mixed up. I'll soon straighten him out. 628 00:42:48,367 --> 00:42:51,564 - You've got a bloody nerve! - Sh! Damien! 629 00:42:59,007 --> 00:43:01,316 What's the matter with you, Rodney? 630 00:43:01,487 --> 00:43:05,162 Del, I'm not flying 4,000 miles across the Atlantic Ocean 631 00:43:05,327 --> 00:43:09,445 with you in my earhole all day and night! I want a break from all that! 632 00:43:09,607 --> 00:43:12,405 I've been on holiday with you before! 633 00:43:13,687 --> 00:43:18,044 That's charming, isn't it? Absolutely charming! 634 00:43:18,207 --> 00:43:22,723 After all that I have done for you! What thanks do I get? 635 00:43:22,887 --> 00:43:25,560 No bloody thanks, that's the thanks I get! 636 00:43:25,727 --> 00:43:28,195 (DAMIEN CRIES) 637 00:43:28,367 --> 00:43:30,642 Now look what you've done! 638 00:43:33,007 --> 00:43:36,716 Sh! Damien, sh! It's all right! Daddy's here. 639 00:43:36,887 --> 00:43:38,479 RAQUEL! 640 00:43:40,287 --> 00:43:43,359 When we went on holiday, we had a bloody good time! 641 00:43:43,527 --> 00:43:47,486 YOU had a good time. Everybody else within a radius of 300 yards 642 00:43:47,647 --> 00:43:50,036 was praying their spleen would burst! 643 00:43:50,207 --> 00:43:54,439 You got drunk, shouted at women, got us into fights... 644 00:43:54,607 --> 00:43:57,121 We were on holiday! 645 00:43:57,287 --> 00:44:00,404 Well, this time, I want a more relaxing holiday. 646 00:44:00,567 --> 00:44:02,364 Relaxing? I see. 647 00:44:02,527 --> 00:44:06,122 So what you're trying to say is I'm not relaxing company. 648 00:44:06,287 --> 00:44:09,518 (DAMIEN CRIES) 649 00:44:09,687 --> 00:44:13,157 Raquel! The baby's crying! 650 00:44:15,207 --> 00:44:18,756 Rodney, that's all different now. That was in the past. 651 00:44:18,927 --> 00:44:23,478 I'm a changed man, see? I'm a married man with a baby! 652 00:44:23,647 --> 00:44:28,198 I've got a baby, and that's the reason why I've changed - 653 00:44:28,367 --> 00:44:30,961 because I have got a son whom I cherish. 654 00:44:31,127 --> 00:44:33,561 (RAQUEL SHOUTS) Darling, I'm coming! 655 00:44:33,727 --> 00:44:36,958 And there's the mother of my son whom cherishes me! 656 00:44:37,127 --> 00:44:41,518 (RAQUEL) Don't break your back, Trotter, I'll deal with him (!) 657 00:44:41,687 --> 00:44:44,201 Thank you, sweetheart! Thank you. 658 00:44:44,407 --> 00:44:51,165 Come on, Rodney, you're judging me by a few misguided incidents, that's all! 659 00:44:51,327 --> 00:44:53,397 I've told you, I'm changed now! 660 00:44:53,567 --> 00:44:56,320 Come on! You want to go to Miami, don't ya? 661 00:44:56,487 --> 00:45:03,199 Of course I want to go, but this time I want it to be... sensible. 662 00:45:03,367 --> 00:45:05,005 Sensible? 663 00:45:05,167 --> 00:45:09,683 'Course you do! I'm sensible! Sensible's my middle name! 664 00:45:09,847 --> 00:45:14,159 - (RAQUEL) Will you get me a nappy? - Of course, sweetheart! 665 00:45:14,327 --> 00:45:16,841 See? See that? 666 00:45:18,287 --> 00:45:20,278 Look, Rodney... 667 00:45:20,447 --> 00:45:28,286 I mean, look, all I want to do is just sit on a beach and relax. 668 00:45:28,447 --> 00:45:30,119 Same here. 669 00:45:30,287 --> 00:45:33,723 Well, they've got some blinding beaches in Miami! 670 00:45:33,887 --> 00:45:37,277 - Mmm... - Yeah... 671 00:45:37,447 --> 00:45:41,486 And they've got some fantastic art museums in Miami. 672 00:45:41,647 --> 00:45:43,365 - Yeah? - Oh, yeah. 673 00:45:43,527 --> 00:45:45,836 I wouldn't mind some of that. 674 00:45:46,007 --> 00:45:51,320 And you can have it, Cinders! All you've got to do is say the magic words! 675 00:45:52,567 --> 00:45:55,957 How are you going to swing it with Raquel? 676 00:45:56,127 --> 00:45:58,277 I've already done it. I told... 677 00:46:01,687 --> 00:46:04,884 (HUSHED) I told her. I told her straight. 678 00:46:05,047 --> 00:46:09,199 I said, "I wanna go to Miami with Rodney. You can like it or lump it. 679 00:46:09,367 --> 00:46:12,200 "Pick the bones out of that, darling!" 680 00:46:12,367 --> 00:46:15,916 - (RAQUEL) Derek! - Coming, sweetheart! 681 00:46:16,087 --> 00:46:20,603 Come on! You and me, eh? What do you say? Yeah? Yeah? 682 00:46:20,767 --> 00:46:23,565 - Eh? - Well... 683 00:46:23,727 --> 00:46:27,879 Come on! Say the magic words, Rodney! 684 00:46:28,047 --> 00:46:31,676 - Yeah, all right, then. - Yes! 685 00:46:31,847 --> 00:46:36,238 Good boy! That's it, you see? You know it makes sense! 686 00:46:37,967 --> 00:46:40,037 Where's that nappy? 687 00:46:40,207 --> 00:46:45,327 We're older now, ain't we? We can appreciate the finer things in life. 688 00:46:45,487 --> 00:46:47,478 What? Not half! 689 00:46:47,647 --> 00:46:49,638 - Do you want this? - Yeah. 690 00:46:49,807 --> 00:46:51,798 Thanks! 691 00:46:51,967 --> 00:46:56,006 This time, let's be more, what's the word? Sophisticated. 692 00:46:56,167 --> 00:47:00,001 That's a great word. I've got another word - debonair. 693 00:47:00,167 --> 00:47:02,158 Yeah, yeah. That's a good word! 694 00:47:02,327 --> 00:47:04,966 We're beginning to think alike, bruv! 695 00:47:05,127 --> 00:47:09,245 - (RAQUEL YELLS) Derek! - Coming! I'm on me way! 696 00:47:09,407 --> 00:47:10,886 Look! 697 00:47:11,047 --> 00:47:13,003 (DEL LAUGHS) 698 00:47:13,167 --> 00:47:15,761 Good job I kept them, wasn't it? 699 00:47:30,847 --> 00:47:34,283 - Have you seen it, Rodders? - Seen what? 700 00:47:34,447 --> 00:47:37,359 You know - our plane! 701 00:47:37,527 --> 00:47:40,325 It's only a jumbo jet! 702 00:47:40,487 --> 00:47:43,877 Well, they usually are. This is transatlantic. 703 00:47:44,047 --> 00:47:45,924 Yeah. Transatlantic! 704 00:47:46,887 --> 00:47:51,085 (TANNOY) Would all passengers seated in rows 19 through to 40 705 00:47:51,247 --> 00:47:55,684 - please come forward to board? - Come on, Rodders, that's us! 706 00:47:55,847 --> 00:47:58,680 - There's no hurry! - Yes, there is! Come on! 707 00:47:58,847 --> 00:48:03,398 The sooner we're on the plane, the sooner old Biggles can take off! 708 00:48:08,487 --> 00:48:13,641 Excuse me! What's your game, pal? Come on, there's no rush! 709 00:48:13,807 --> 00:48:17,038 Blimey, anybody would think he owned the plane! 710 00:48:22,807 --> 00:48:27,517 (MUSIC: "EVERYBODY WANTS TO RULE THE WORLD" BY TEARS FOR FEARS) 711 00:48:27,727 --> 00:48:31,037 (TEARS FOR FEARS ON DEL'S STEREO) 712 00:48:35,207 --> 00:48:37,767 Hey, hey! We've done it, Rodders! 713 00:48:38,927 --> 00:48:41,361 - Done what? - Eh? 714 00:48:41,527 --> 00:48:44,439 - Done what? - Joined the glitterati! 715 00:48:44,607 --> 00:48:46,086 The glitterati? 716 00:48:46,247 --> 00:48:48,078 Eh? 717 00:48:48,247 --> 00:48:50,203 Take the headphones off! 718 00:48:50,367 --> 00:48:52,358 Eh? 719 00:48:52,527 --> 00:48:56,759 - Sorry. What? - What do you mean, joined the glitterati? 720 00:48:56,927 --> 00:49:00,602 Well, we have, ain't we? We're transatlantic people now. 721 00:49:00,767 --> 00:49:03,964 No more of that Costa Del Sewage for us, bruv. 722 00:49:04,127 --> 00:49:07,437 - We're in the big time now! - I suppose so. 723 00:49:07,607 --> 00:49:12,158 Del, when we land in Miami, before we go to any of the bars, 724 00:49:12,327 --> 00:49:16,684 we gotta sort ourselves out some transport and accommodation. 725 00:49:16,847 --> 00:49:22,365 It's all taken care of. Alex, the travel agent, faxed one of his people in the States. 726 00:49:22,527 --> 00:49:25,837 So we're all fixed up! Ace! 727 00:49:26,007 --> 00:49:29,886 I'll pay Alex when I get back. I'll do it on me credit card. 728 00:49:30,047 --> 00:49:32,402 - I've already done it. - Good. 729 00:49:33,807 --> 00:49:36,719 - What, on my credit card? - Yeah. 730 00:49:36,887 --> 00:49:39,560 That's what you were gonna do, wasn't it? 731 00:49:39,727 --> 00:49:41,046 Yeah. 732 00:49:41,207 --> 00:49:43,880 I've saved you the bother, bruvver! 733 00:49:44,047 --> 00:49:47,722 This is your holiday and I don't want nothing to mar it. 734 00:49:47,887 --> 00:49:49,525 Thanks. 735 00:49:49,687 --> 00:49:52,326 We're gonna live it up a little, ain't we? 736 00:49:52,487 --> 00:49:55,957 Yes, but there are two kinds of living it up, Del - 737 00:49:56,127 --> 00:49:59,199 enjoying the freedom from the stresses of work, 738 00:49:59,367 --> 00:50:04,282 filling the mind with new sights and sounds, experiencing local cuisine, 739 00:50:04,447 --> 00:50:08,520 even indulging in the gifts of nature such as the sea and the sun. 740 00:50:08,687 --> 00:50:12,362 - And then there's your kind! - What exactly do you...? 741 00:50:12,527 --> 00:50:14,643 There will be no women on this trip! 742 00:50:14,807 --> 00:50:18,083 Can you be more pacific? 743 00:50:18,247 --> 00:50:22,081 This holiday is not going to be another Benidorm Revisited. 744 00:50:22,247 --> 00:50:26,798 If I see just one bra hanging off our car aerial, I'm out of there! 745 00:50:26,967 --> 00:50:31,961 I'm not going to do anything like that! I would never have even thought of it! 746 00:50:32,127 --> 00:50:37,838 I don't know what goes on in that mind of yours, you dirty little devil! 747 00:50:41,847 --> 00:50:47,319 I'm gonna have a little nap. Give us a nudge when the old drinks arrive. 748 00:50:47,487 --> 00:50:49,682 How does this go back? 749 00:50:49,847 --> 00:50:51,644 (SMASHING GLASS) 750 00:50:51,807 --> 00:50:55,356 (WOMAN) Look what you've done! (DEL) Sorry about that! 751 00:50:55,527 --> 00:50:58,200 (DEL) That will clean off. Ask for a cloth. 752 00:50:58,367 --> 00:51:00,358 (WOMAN) It's dry clean only! 753 00:51:00,527 --> 00:51:03,439 (DEL) That's just on the label to impress ya! 754 00:51:03,607 --> 00:51:07,077 Give me a serviette and I'll do it! 755 00:51:25,527 --> 00:51:27,643 756 00:51:27,807 --> 00:51:30,241 757 00:51:30,407 --> 00:51:32,523 758 00:51:32,687 --> 00:51:36,805 All around me, people looking half dead 759 00:51:36,967 --> 00:51:40,721 hotter than a match head 760 00:51:40,887 --> 00:51:42,878 761 00:51:43,047 --> 00:51:44,924 762 00:51:45,087 --> 00:51:47,282 763 00:51:47,447 --> 00:51:49,438 764 00:51:49,607 --> 00:51:53,998 The days can't be more like the nights 765 00:51:54,167 --> 00:51:56,078 766 00:51:56,247 --> 00:51:57,760 767 00:51:57,927 --> 00:52:02,079 768 00:52:02,247 --> 00:52:06,638 Dressed so fine and looking so pretty 769 00:52:06,807 --> 00:52:08,843 770 00:52:09,007 --> 00:52:11,123 771 00:52:11,287 --> 00:52:13,517 772 00:52:13,687 --> 00:52:16,963 I'm gonna meet you on the roof top 773 00:52:17,127 --> 00:52:21,006 Go out and find a girl 774 00:52:21,167 --> 00:52:23,635 775 00:52:23,807 --> 00:52:25,798 776 00:52:25,967 --> 00:52:28,401 777 00:52:28,567 --> 00:52:32,446 In the summer, in the city 778 00:52:32,607 --> 00:52:34,757 779 00:52:34,927 --> 00:52:40,445 780 00:52:42,287 --> 00:52:46,439 (MUSIC CONTINUES) 781 00:53:11,287 --> 00:53:14,916 - Hello, anybody here? - (MAN) Hello! I'm in here! 782 00:53:19,487 --> 00:53:21,239 Hi, how ya doing? 783 00:53:21,407 --> 00:53:27,164 Our travel agent reckons he's booked a car for us with you. 784 00:53:28,127 --> 00:53:32,120 - OK. You guys on vacation? - Yeah, a week's holiday. 785 00:53:32,287 --> 00:53:36,838 No kidding? You come all the way from Australia for a week? 786 00:53:37,007 --> 00:53:41,842 No, we're not from Australia. No, we are English. 787 00:53:42,007 --> 00:53:44,805 You could have fooled me! 788 00:53:46,087 --> 00:53:49,875 I won't hold you up. I'll bring it round the front for you. 789 00:53:50,047 --> 00:53:51,765 OK. 790 00:53:52,087 --> 00:53:54,078 Hey, look at this! 791 00:53:54,247 --> 00:53:58,684 - We'll have some of that, eh? - Yeah, a nice little boat trip! 792 00:53:58,847 --> 00:54:01,566 - Do us the world of good! - Yeah! 793 00:54:07,287 --> 00:54:12,600 Wotcha, America! This is going to be a holiday to remember, innit? 794 00:54:12,767 --> 00:54:15,235 You said it, bruv! 795 00:54:16,687 --> 00:54:19,679 (RUMBLING ENGINE) 796 00:54:19,847 --> 00:54:22,645 Here we go, Rodders! 797 00:54:30,007 --> 00:54:33,556 - What the hell is this thing?! - Have a nice day! 798 00:54:33,727 --> 00:54:35,604 - And you! - Thank you. 799 00:54:35,767 --> 00:54:40,158 - What are we going to do with that? - That is where we're going to live. 800 00:54:40,327 --> 00:54:42,124 Alex recommended it. 801 00:54:42,287 --> 00:54:46,405 The advantage is, we don't have to stay in one spot. 802 00:54:46,567 --> 00:54:49,718 We can move about a bit and it's cheap. 803 00:54:49,887 --> 00:54:55,644 Del, there is no way I am going to spend any time in this mobile ghetto with you! 804 00:54:55,807 --> 00:54:58,605 You're not going to spend any time... 805 00:54:58,767 --> 00:55:03,079 I was only trying to save you money, and we won't be trapped, will we? 806 00:55:03,247 --> 00:55:07,206 When we get to a campsite, we can dump this and go walkies. 807 00:55:07,367 --> 00:55:10,518 We could have booked a hotel! Oh, bloody hell! 808 00:55:12,847 --> 00:55:15,236 I don't believe that I've got... 809 00:55:17,767 --> 00:55:20,520 All right, on one condition! 810 00:55:20,687 --> 00:55:22,757 What is the condition? 811 00:55:22,927 --> 00:55:24,679 No curries! 812 00:55:26,567 --> 00:55:29,877 All right, no curries. 813 00:55:31,927 --> 00:55:36,284 Come on, then! Let's go and see America! Hey, hey! 814 00:55:43,367 --> 00:55:46,404 (LAUGHS) 815 00:55:46,567 --> 00:55:48,558 Here we go, Rodders! 816 00:55:48,727 --> 00:55:51,400 817 00:55:51,567 --> 00:55:54,127 818 00:55:54,287 --> 00:55:58,565 is the only girl for me! 819 00:55:58,727 --> 00:56:00,524 - OF THE! - (MAN) You jerk! 820 00:56:00,687 --> 00:56:03,918 You're on the wrong side of the road! 821 00:56:05,287 --> 00:56:10,202 - They drive on the right-hand side over here! - Oh, yeah! 822 00:56:12,447 --> 00:56:16,281 is the one I'm gonna see! 823 00:56:16,447 --> 00:56:20,235 is the only girl for me! 824 00:56:43,607 --> 00:56:45,598 Yeah, what is it? 825 00:56:45,767 --> 00:56:47,166 All right. 826 00:56:49,367 --> 00:56:55,681 Hey, Tony, Lurch, Gino, smarten up! The Don's left the courthouse. 827 00:58:01,687 --> 00:58:04,247 - Rico. - Yeah, Pop? 828 00:58:04,407 --> 00:58:07,877 Who are those goons in the car? 829 00:58:08,047 --> 00:58:14,282 - Police surveillance, nothing to worry about. - Nothing to worry about?! 830 00:58:14,527 --> 00:58:18,281 I got cops outside my front gate! What happened to my civil rights? 831 00:58:18,847 --> 00:58:22,601 They kinda diminished after they arrested you, Pop. 832 00:58:22,767 --> 00:58:25,839 But you've been released on bail, so be happy. 833 00:58:26,007 --> 00:58:30,922 Be happy (!) Be happy, huh? 834 00:58:31,087 --> 00:58:34,682 One week from now, I got a jury sitting in judgement on me! 835 00:58:34,847 --> 00:58:39,967 I might spend the rest of my life in San Quentin, and my son wants to throw a party! 836 00:58:41,127 --> 00:58:46,599 What are ya, huh? What are ya? I want to speak to my lawyer now! 837 00:58:46,767 --> 00:58:48,519 Salvatore! 838 00:59:12,567 --> 00:59:15,604 Salvatore... 839 00:59:16,549 --> 00:59:18,938 Don Occhetti. 840 00:59:21,189 --> 00:59:23,578 Salvatore... 841 00:59:23,749 --> 00:59:27,298 - Haven't I always been good to you? - Yes, Don Occhetti. 842 00:59:27,469 --> 00:59:32,065 - Haven't I done favours for your family? - Yes, Don Occhetti. 843 00:59:32,229 --> 00:59:35,744 - Have I ever done you harm? - There was that time when... 844 00:59:35,909 --> 00:59:38,218 No, Don Occhetti. 845 00:59:43,149 --> 00:59:50,100 So maybe this time, Salvatore can help me, because I'm a little confused. 846 00:59:50,869 --> 00:59:54,305 This is the way I read the situation. 847 00:59:54,469 --> 00:59:58,223 - You're my lawyer, correct? - Yes, Don Occhetti. 848 00:59:58,389 --> 01:00:03,782 Yet here I am looking at three to four life sentences in the slammer, 849 01:00:03,949 --> 01:00:09,262 so why the hell don't you get off your ass and bury this rap? 850 01:00:09,429 --> 01:00:14,378 - We have problems proving your innocence. - Why? 851 01:00:14,549 --> 01:00:20,465 'Cause you're guilty. When I say "guilty", what I mean is... 852 01:00:20,629 --> 01:00:24,668 - Guilty of what?! - Kidnapping, drug-smuggling, 853 01:00:24,829 --> 01:00:28,344 accessory to three counts of murder. Just gossip! 854 01:00:28,509 --> 01:00:34,186 Hmm... Maybe I made a few mistakes in the past, you know? 855 01:00:34,349 --> 01:00:36,465 Nobody's perfect! 856 01:00:39,909 --> 01:00:44,619 You listen to me. When my father - God bless that man's spirit - 857 01:00:46,549 --> 01:00:50,019 when he arrived on these shores from Sicily in 1930, 858 01:00:50,189 --> 01:00:53,101 this was a land of democracy and law and order. 859 01:00:53,269 --> 01:00:58,627 Now, he fought to change all that, but look at us now, huh? 860 01:00:59,789 --> 01:01:03,498 What have all his efforts amounted to, huh? 861 01:01:03,669 --> 01:01:07,708 Zilch, that's what. Zilcho! 862 01:01:09,469 --> 01:01:13,621 Salvatore, you call yourself a lawyer? You're a schmuck! 863 01:01:16,189 --> 01:01:19,147 And that goes for you, too, Rico! 864 01:01:22,109 --> 01:01:27,342 If your mother was alive - God bless her soul - she would disown you! 865 01:01:27,509 --> 01:01:29,261 Come on, Pop! 866 01:01:29,429 --> 01:01:35,345 I tell you this, Rico, I never thought I'd see the day when a son of mine would stand back 867 01:01:35,509 --> 01:01:39,661 and watch his own father spend the rest of his life in the state pen 868 01:01:39,829 --> 01:01:42,980 sharing meat loaf with the faggots! 869 01:01:43,149 --> 01:01:50,146 If I go down, all the families will carve up our empire like dogs fighting over a weenie-roast. 870 01:01:50,309 --> 01:01:52,982 Every Marielito-punk from Little Havana 871 01:01:53,149 --> 01:01:56,107 will want a slice! And what about the Colombian? 872 01:01:57,269 --> 01:02:01,228 - What Colombian? - "What Colombian?" he says! 873 01:02:01,389 --> 01:02:05,428 - What, are you a jerk, Salvatore? - Just sit down, will ya? 874 01:02:12,309 --> 01:02:18,987 Next week, Senor Vasquez arrives here from Colombia to settle our little deal. 875 01:02:19,149 --> 01:02:23,461 What do you think he's gonna do if he thinks I've gone down the tube? 876 01:02:25,709 --> 01:02:31,545 I'm getting very worried, Salvatore. I'm getting very nervous about the future. 877 01:02:31,709 --> 01:02:33,108 (BURPS) 878 01:02:33,269 --> 01:02:36,181 Do you hear that? That's peptic gas. 879 01:02:36,349 --> 01:02:39,546 That's caused by nervous exhaustion! 880 01:02:41,749 --> 01:02:47,540 What happened to the ancient Sicilian traditions of bribery, blackmail and intimidation? 881 01:02:50,949 --> 01:02:55,500 This isn't the police. This is the FBI. We can't pay those guys off. 882 01:02:55,669 --> 01:02:58,058 The jury is locked in a guarded hotel, 883 01:02:58,229 --> 01:03:02,302 the witnesses got 24-hour protection. We can't reach anybody! 884 01:03:02,469 --> 01:03:05,779 - Maybe I should do something, huh? - You can't, Pop! 885 01:03:05,949 --> 01:03:09,100 The police surveillance team is watching you. 886 01:03:09,269 --> 01:03:13,308 They even got a TV camera crew filming you for a documentary. 887 01:03:13,469 --> 01:03:17,257 They're filming me? Am I a common criminal or something? 888 01:03:19,149 --> 01:03:23,301 Rico, take some money from the family account and buy me the DA. 889 01:03:23,469 --> 01:03:28,259 You buy me the judge, you buy me the senator. People owe me favours. 890 01:03:28,429 --> 01:03:32,468 - I want these favours returned! - We've tried and had no takers. 891 01:03:32,629 --> 01:03:35,860 It looks like people are turning their backs on you. 892 01:03:36,029 --> 01:03:41,467 That is a very impolite and highly dangerous thing to do! 893 01:03:47,789 --> 01:03:50,349 This is what I want you to do. 894 01:03:50,509 --> 01:03:53,740 I want you to keep searching and to keep thinking, 895 01:03:53,909 --> 01:03:59,700 because somewhere, somewhere out there lies the answer to my problems! 896 01:04:06,389 --> 01:04:10,177 Look at the state of that! You wouldn't go near that 897 01:04:10,349 --> 01:04:12,658 unless you had all your own teeth! 898 01:04:16,709 --> 01:04:20,258 They say that smoking's BAD for your chest (!) 899 01:04:20,429 --> 01:04:23,865 (TANNOY) Miami has been nicknamed "Cocainesville", 900 01:04:24,029 --> 01:04:28,705 and the officers of Biscayne Bay fight a year-round battle with drug runners. 901 01:04:31,349 --> 01:04:35,581 On your left is the home of Barry Gibb, lead singer of the Bee Gees. 902 01:04:35,749 --> 01:04:41,062 - Rodders, look! There's a real live Bee Gee! - 'Course it ain't! 903 01:04:41,229 --> 01:04:45,541 - He's probably the gardener! - It's him! It's Barry Gibb! 904 01:04:45,709 --> 01:04:47,700 (DEL SHOUTS) All right, Bazza? 905 01:04:50,149 --> 01:04:53,619 - Shut up! That's not him! - It is! 906 01:04:53,789 --> 01:04:57,987 (SHOUTS) How deep is your love, is your love? How deep is your love? 907 01:04:59,149 --> 01:05:00,946 I need all this (!) 908 01:05:04,389 --> 01:05:07,028 I reckon you was right, Rodders. It weren't him. 909 01:05:07,189 --> 01:05:11,182 - Most probably the gardener. - Yeah? What did I say? 910 01:05:22,749 --> 01:05:25,343 (DISCO MUSIC) 911 01:05:36,669 --> 01:05:39,183 Come on, Rodney, bellies in! 912 01:05:39,349 --> 01:05:44,582 I still think it would be better to drive to the camper site now and book in first. 913 01:05:44,749 --> 01:05:49,823 It's only quarter to eight. There's plenty of time to get to the old campsite! 914 01:05:49,989 --> 01:05:54,141 There's also plenty of time for you to get drunk after we've booked in! 915 01:05:54,309 --> 01:05:59,827 Get drunk? You enjoy putting me down, don't you? 916 01:05:59,989 --> 01:06:04,426 You think I'm just a one-dimensional person. Well, you're wrong! 917 01:06:04,589 --> 01:06:08,343 The only reason I want to go into that club is to phone Raquel, 918 01:06:08,509 --> 01:06:12,502 because I promised her I would as soon as we arrived. 919 01:06:12,669 --> 01:06:16,139 What's wrong with the public call box over there? 920 01:06:16,309 --> 01:06:18,823 You can't get a drink in there! 921 01:06:20,349 --> 01:06:24,342 - Come on! - What shall we do with our luggage? 922 01:06:24,509 --> 01:06:28,502 Let's bring it with us and put it in the middle of the dance floor 923 01:06:28,669 --> 01:06:32,139 and boogie round it like them sorts at the Nag's Head 924 01:06:32,309 --> 01:06:35,062 when they have a disco with their handbags! 925 01:06:35,229 --> 01:06:37,220 No need to be sarky! 926 01:06:37,389 --> 01:06:40,620 What are you talking about, disco and boogie? 927 01:06:40,789 --> 01:06:42,780 Del, I am not boogie-ing! 928 01:06:42,949 --> 01:06:46,624 Keep your voice down! We are ambassadors for our country! 929 01:06:46,789 --> 01:06:51,101 We don't want people thinking we're lager louts! Excuse me. Mais oui! 930 01:06:51,869 --> 01:06:55,066 (DISCO MUSIC) 931 01:07:12,709 --> 01:07:16,987 Hey, Juan! Over here, Juan! When you're ready, son. 932 01:07:17,149 --> 01:07:21,142 Excuse me, gentlemen. I'm sorry, but this club is for members only. 933 01:07:21,309 --> 01:07:24,346 You what? 934 01:07:24,509 --> 01:07:27,262 Sorry, signore, I did not realise it was you! 935 01:07:27,429 --> 01:07:31,707 Please accept my deepest and sincerest apologies! 936 01:07:31,869 --> 01:07:36,989 I am honoured that you should choose to visit my humble nightclub. 937 01:07:37,149 --> 01:07:39,902 Please may I offer you a drink? 938 01:07:40,069 --> 01:07:42,060 Yeah, we'll have a Cuba Libre 939 01:07:42,229 --> 01:07:45,266 - and something non-alcoholic. - Of course. 940 01:07:45,429 --> 01:07:50,503 - We'll be sitting over there. - I will be with you immediately. 941 01:07:56,509 --> 01:08:00,548 (RICO) There's gonna be a war! (SALVATORE) Maybe not. 942 01:08:00,709 --> 01:08:05,305 The only thing that can prevent it is if you find an alibi for my father. 943 01:08:05,469 --> 01:08:08,302 I have to find your father nine alibis! 944 01:08:08,469 --> 01:08:11,267 How the hell am I supposed to do that in a week? 945 01:08:11,429 --> 01:08:15,581 How can the Justice Department do this? Don't they know who he is? 946 01:08:15,749 --> 01:08:20,220 - Yeah, that's the problem! - When the jury foreman says "Guilty", 947 01:08:20,389 --> 01:08:22,027 the war begins. 948 01:08:22,189 --> 01:08:23,588 Maybe not. 949 01:08:23,749 --> 01:08:29,426 Do you think the rest of the families are gonna pretend the old man is still in power? 950 01:08:29,589 --> 01:08:33,138 - They're gonna go to war! Am I right? - You're right. 951 01:08:33,309 --> 01:08:34,662 - Tony? - Right. 952 01:08:34,829 --> 01:08:36,581 - Am I right? - Maybe not. 953 01:08:36,749 --> 01:08:38,546 You see? 954 01:08:39,749 --> 01:08:42,024 There's gonna be a war! 955 01:08:42,189 --> 01:08:45,898 - Signore Ricardo... - Can't you see I'm in a meeting? 956 01:08:46,069 --> 01:08:48,105 I would like to explain. 957 01:08:48,269 --> 01:08:53,468 If I had know HE was coming tonight, I would have arranged a private room. 958 01:08:53,629 --> 01:08:55,938 If you'd known who was coming here? 959 01:08:56,109 --> 01:08:58,020 Your father. 960 01:08:59,389 --> 01:09:03,064 - My father. - (PAULY) Is this some kind of joke? 961 01:09:03,229 --> 01:09:07,586 Don Occhetti can't even get to the john without the police tailing him. 962 01:09:07,749 --> 01:09:11,025 But he is here! See for yourself! 963 01:09:23,109 --> 01:09:25,862 Lovely jubbly! How much do we owe you? 964 01:09:26,029 --> 01:09:30,181 Please! It's on the house. You are my guests! 965 01:09:30,349 --> 01:09:35,548 - Would you like to eat? - No, thanks. We had something earlier. 966 01:09:35,709 --> 01:09:41,625 If there's anything that you should require, as always, I am at your service! 967 01:09:41,869 --> 01:09:43,860 Big mouth! 968 01:09:44,029 --> 01:09:47,146 The grub would most probably be free an' all! 969 01:09:47,309 --> 01:09:48,901 'Course it wouldn't! 970 01:09:49,669 --> 01:09:52,661 Do you know what we're dealing with here? 971 01:09:52,829 --> 01:09:56,663 - What? - American hospitality! They're famous for it! 972 01:09:56,829 --> 01:10:00,105 The most friendliest people in the entire world! 973 01:10:00,269 --> 01:10:04,023 Come on! Come on! Yo, Gino, it's Tony. 974 01:10:04,189 --> 01:10:07,898 Is the Don there? He's in the pool. 975 01:10:10,229 --> 01:10:12,220 Can you actually see him? 976 01:10:14,109 --> 01:10:16,065 Good! Dad's at home. 977 01:10:16,229 --> 01:10:18,618 The guy over there ain't him! 978 01:10:21,309 --> 01:10:26,667 Listen carefully. Tell my father to stay in his room till I get back tonight. 979 01:10:26,829 --> 01:10:31,345 Just... tell him I may have a surprise for him. 980 01:10:41,909 --> 01:10:44,264 Tell you what... 981 01:10:44,429 --> 01:10:48,661 - I'm boilin'! - That's strange, that. 982 01:10:48,829 --> 01:10:54,028 Here you are in a tropical climate, wearing a worsted polyester blue serge suit, 983 01:10:54,189 --> 01:10:56,180 - and you feel hot? - Yeah. 984 01:10:56,349 --> 01:10:59,546 Weird! 985 01:10:59,709 --> 01:11:01,540 Hi! 986 01:11:01,709 --> 01:11:03,427 How you guys doing? 987 01:11:04,589 --> 01:11:09,105 All right. Yeah - great time. Smashing, thank you. 988 01:11:09,269 --> 01:11:13,057 Good. Let me guess. You're not local people. 989 01:11:13,229 --> 01:11:15,823 (RODNEY) No. 990 01:11:36,309 --> 01:11:38,425 (LAUGHTER) 991 01:11:41,589 --> 01:11:43,227 (INDISTINCT) 992 01:11:43,389 --> 01:11:46,461 Come on, one more. One more. 993 01:11:46,629 --> 01:11:49,621 No, really. We're pushing our luck as it is. 994 01:11:49,789 --> 01:11:51,268 No, he's right, Rico. 995 01:11:51,429 --> 01:11:53,863 - Come on! - You've got time for one more. 996 01:11:54,029 --> 01:11:57,499 - Go on, then, one for the road. - No, Del. Come on, mate. 997 01:11:57,669 --> 01:12:01,378 The campsite will be shut and we'll be locked out. 998 01:12:01,549 --> 01:12:05,827 I didn't realise it was so late. We've got to be going. 999 01:12:05,989 --> 01:12:09,823 Well, Rodney... Del Boy! 1000 01:12:09,989 --> 01:12:12,025 Rico! 1001 01:12:12,189 --> 01:12:16,068 Thanks very much! It's been really great meeting you guys! 1002 01:12:16,229 --> 01:12:20,825 Thanks a lot, and we enjoyed your company and everything. 1003 01:12:20,989 --> 01:12:25,505 We've got to go. See you later, yeah? Thanks a lot. 1004 01:12:25,555 --> 01:12:30,105 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0